‘I’m still sleeping with my long-term ex

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Dear Coleen,

I split with my long-term partner about a year ago – we’d got into a rut and Covid lockdowns didn’t help.

However, we met up recently and ended up in bed and it was obvious to us both that the sexual chemistry is still very much there.

I’ve been quite miserable without him, but have done my best to move on, although I haven’t met anyone else.

Is it stupid to go back to a relationship and try again? My heart is saying yes, try again, but my head is nagging me to proceed with caution!

I’d love any advice you can offer.

Coleen says,

I think it’s important to really work out what the problems were in the relationship that made you split up. I think your head is right – proceed with caution.

Don’t get into a routine of meeting up just to have sex, or move in together.

Just start dating again and talk about what went wrong, and how it’s going to be different second time around.

Sometimes relationships can be purely physical and that’s what keeps bringing you back together, but you need something more to sustain it long term.

Trust your head – it’s not saying “no”, it’s saying be careful and take the situation slowly, and that’s a good way to proceed.

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