Once in a while, something happens that makes us lose our equilibrium in life, leaving us with more questions than answers. We question our character, our self-imposed beliefs, and our ability to make proper choices. It’s a tough spot to be in, but it’s incredibly empowering because discontentment is where real change stems from.
It took me a decade to unwrap this truth, not just from my own dating misdemeanors and a turbulent — and eventual disintegration — of what was meant to be my forever-after-glamourous-wedding.
I’m a good woman. I know I am.
I echoed to myself each time I misjudged a guy, toppled over, and landed face down in an outburst of tears and a heart that needed mending. Again.
Suffice it to say, being a good woman (Didn’t I cook, clean, sex him up and even give him a child? Damn, what more did he want?) didn’t conceal my dark shades of low self-esteem, deep-seated insecurities, and a blurred self-awareness. This medley of character flaws leaked into my relationships and became the slippery slope that led to their dissolution.
Oh, don’t get me wrong; he wasn’t flawless. Actually, scratch that, he was a narcissistic, egotistic, male chauvinist. Yes, call me embittered, but it still doesn’t change this fact. But, I digress. The point is, for every good woman, there’s a man who walks out of her life and never looks back.
And often, when his boat leaves her shore, he finds solace in the arms of a woman who fades in comparison to her. You know, less educated and attractive, untalented, and not polished. All this to say that at times his exit has everything to do with him and nothing to do with her.
And yet, other times, despite her goodness, she may camouflage tendencies that create a rift big enough for him to walk out leaving nothing but a trail of dust.